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Being present

August 25, 2015

Ever had one of “those” days? You know the kind. Those long days of Motherhood where there is not nearly enough sleep, a truckload of playground sand on the kitchen floor and you could really use a chef, chauffeur and a money tree.




I know that the “perfect” day with a healthy dinner, gleaming floors and pleasant, cooperative children will never come. And yet I can’t stop myself from aiming for it.




On days like this I remind myself of my mother and aunt. Both passed away from cancer before their children were grown. in the case of my aunt, her younger children have almost no memories of her. I wonder what these women would give for one more ordinary day. Wouldn’t they love to feel the playground sand on their kitchen floor. Or be woken one more time by a baby. What would they give for a chance to read one more bedtime story, or break up one more sibling squabble.



Being here in this moment is a gift. Whatever this moment is, I’m right in the thick of it all. Drying tears, making my one millionth PB and J, tucking kids into bed who smell like campfire smoke cause I was just too tired to bathe them. Just as my head hits the pillow, the baby cries. But I am here to “hear” him, rock him, and feed him. Tomorrow I may step out for a few hours and frantically try to get a few things done, but really, my heart (and so many of my thoughts) are still there, with them. Things are far from perfect (and some moments aren’t even really that enjoyable). And yet, despite this sloppy, rowdy, mess of a summer, I choose to remember why I love being here.





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